Wednesday, 30 September 2015

The Answers to the Questions

Well, two outta four isn't bad. The two big problems have been resolved with minimal fuss and the two little problems are little and until we are actually dating, I am not bothered.
He admitted to having Facebook, just not using it much and hating it. That's confirmed, he rarely posts....and has probably creeped me as much as I creeped him.
The disappearing, he also explained and it's cool for now. Hopefully he quits that if we start dating.
We have been talking for almost two months, it'll be two once we meet. At this point, we both need the meet so we have something worth talking about. 10hours a day couldn't last forever and it's unfair to use him as a distraction from my daily life. Now that work is picking up for me, it will be better.
Genuinely liking someone and having lots in common is a strange and interesting turn for me. Doesn't seem like that novel of a concept, but it is. All my past relationships I tried to make work, I never truly knew the guy first ( except in the cases of dating my friends). If this all falls apart, it'll still have taught me something- there is no need to settle and no need to rush.
Falling for someone happens in seconds, really loving who they are takes time. And I want that. I want someone who loves me enough to take time, cause I am worth it.

Sunday, 27 September 2015

Hiccups and Heartaches

Nothing is perfect. It's good, because it keeps us interesting. I know this and I am not looking for perfect, just perfect for me. On paper, Builder Boy fits the bill.....but recently four things have come up that made me go from falling to paused- two are little, two....not so much.
1. He doesn't ever ask how I am, or how things went for me. He responds well when I tell him, but he doesn't ask.
2. He rarely compliments's not a big deal but if I send a picture and there is no comment.....kinda rude.
3. He lied or mistyped...and I don't know if it's how I interpreted it or an actual lie. He said he didn't have or or didn't use Facebook......but he does.....I would ask him....but......
4. He disappears on weekends....completely. He doesn't return texts, he is MIA. He has never said anything about this but it's more often than not and he never explains...but I have never asked. If he comes back, I will ask.

Do these four things add up to distruction of what we have built? No. But they do put a big flashing caution sign on it, no matter how you look at it. I want to love like I have never been hurt and fall into something deep and beautiful, but that doesn't mean being an idiot. Trust and feeling secure are my two issues and because I am trusting the new person with the lives of my children, it needs to be rock solid from the beginning.
If he evades or his answers stink, I gotta cut him loose. It's going to hurt cause it was two months of discovering someone's mind and heart, but i can't build something else on a foundation of sand.

Sunday, 20 September 2015

At Arms Length

When I split with my ex, I wrote a list. A list of qualities and fundamentals I needed from a partner. When I had a few disasterous online dating experiences, I quit and lost myself in books instead. There I found the men, however unrealistic, that I longed for. One novel particularly hit home, so much so that I wrote to the author to thank her for giving me hope.
Then I met Builder Boy-builder man really. Well not met, was in contact in contact with....I wrote about him last time I blogged.
He fits the list, he mirrors the book in an eerie kind of perfect way and he gets me. Somebody told me he wAs just an ordinary looking dude....he might be....but he does it for me physically, emotionally and intellectually and he does it big time.
We have a date picked out, it's a month away....but that's okay. My head needs some time. This should not be happening now, I shouldn't be feeling so much for a stranger. But he tugs at me. How many guys can quote Land Before Time? How many can keep a girl with a busy brain interested for weeks of conversation.
I want to fall for him. I want us to meet and have that moment when two souls recognize what's going on. The click, the dive, the racing hearts and raging hormones. I want that with him. I want to protect him and have him want to protect me. And I worry. He says little to me about how he feels. He rarely compliments me and rarely messages me first. Boy thing? Maybe. Or could he be just using me for ego boosting,....maybe.
I am edgy. When someone hands you what you have always wanted it's hard to believe they are not going to snatch if away again,