I ended it. Not the way I wanted, I had to message because he wouldn't pick up his phone. Boy, was it ever the right choice. He turned out to be fairly chauvinistic, emotionally stunted, and kind of a baby about the whole thing. Sort of feel like he might have been cheating after all. But I did it. I got rid of something that wasn't bad for me, but just not the right thing for me. And I feel really positive about it.
I am a little lonely. But I started a new book, focusing on my health, getting my affairs in order and ultimately just moving forward with my life. Without anyone else in it.
Its not easy. I am unhooking from my devices and being more present with my kids. I haven't had the field this clear in a long time. Normally, I would be right back in the saddle-looking for a new conquest. But I don't want to. My need to fill that emptiness, just isn't there this time. I want to fill it with other things.
To be fair, I am in contact with one guy from before I started seeing The Mountain. This guy lives in a different province but we have an insane amount in common and I really held off telling him I was seeing someone, because I didn't want to lose him. However, since I have been off the market-he has started to talk to someone else. So I am not overly hopeful. I am trying to trust that if it's supposed to happen-it will. And if it's not, then I don't need to invest a ton of time hoping it will. He wants to talk to me-I am all about it. If he doesn't, I will live. Right now, it does make me check my messages a billion times a day....but with conscious effort-this too shall pass.
My goal is to make a little extra money and take myself to a luxurious hotel with a spa. I want to get a hotel room, soak in a hot tub, get a massage and pedicure and eat a delicious meal. Sounds like heaven.
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